Where have you been?!?

People have been asking me left and right why I haven't blogged lately. The answer is simple.

I have been crazy. :)

Not crazy, ha ha either....just plain crazy.

I knew the Lord was making some changes this year. I could feel them. Being in a season of change and reproof is not fun in oh so many ways. It is necessary, however.

After much prayer and seeking wise council, my hubbie and I have decided that we were being led to move.

Where you ask?

If you know .....well, let me know.

That's the thing with our heavenly Father. He is a light onto your path. That means you can see the next step. Its lit so you know where to place your foot. Its not a flood light showing you the destination.

I tried to kindly dispute the timing with God. Spring is my busy time. I have all 3 kids birthday which means, baking and parties and lots of running. I also have vacations, dance recitals, end of school functions, Easter basket making and about a hundred other things. So when the call to move came in Spring, my first response was "really?".

Of course that same morning that I was feeling totally overwhelmed and lost, God reminded me why I serve him. I had my morning prayer time in which I cried out to God. (I take long showers....its the only place I am ever alone, :) )

I will be honest, I was super whiny.

"I don't know where you want us! I am fearful of getting a house ready to show with three small children!! I need to plan but have no direction in which to go! I don't feel led in any one direction and we are not finding any houses that we like. Will our house even sell?"

I then sat down with a book that I have been trying to get through. (And by sit down , I mean having it open while I feed the baby oatmeal.)

It directed the reader to read Psalm 107. This is what jumped out at me from the pages.

" He led them by a straight way
to a city where they could settle." Psalm 107:7

WOW.

I was humbled into silence. Anyone that knows me, knows that I am rarely silent.

I heard clearly a loving Father gently remind me that he has this. I can stop fretting and worrying. He has told us to move and he will move us.

In his time.

Where and when he wants us to be.

To serve him and for our good.

I was lovingly schooled that I needed to chill.

I want to say that everyday I simply turned to him and had comfort. I did not. I have had the crazy laugh on many a day. I have snapped at my kids because I cannot get 5 minutes to pack any boxes. I have failed over and over and over.

He has forgiven me just as many times.

I am grateful for fresh morning with new chances.

So, friends that is where I am currently. A weird new place for me. A place that I have not been before. I can feel my priorities shifting and I am trying to learn to totally let go and just obey.

Its a struggle. Its exciting and terrifying.

My hope for a New Year.....

I feel like 2011 has kicked my Boo-tay.

I have had too many extended family dramas to count. Setting boundaries with people that you are tied to by blood is an exhausting business.

I also feel like I have let outside forces such as social media, pretty shiny things and comparing myself to others creep slowly into my life like a cancer.

I am not saying that these things are bad in themselves. They are just that...things. Its when I measure myself against them that they start to turn ugly. I am not sure how it has happened and I am humbled because I can tell I am not where I once was.

I have lost my way with connecting daily with the Father. The excuses are many and I know that they make sense. Baby up all night, little people want to be fed (they are selfish like that :)) and e-mails to return. If I am totally honest with myself however, I can see that somehow I make time to check social Internet forums but somehow too busy to sit and read the Word of God.

Conveniently letting them and the enemy of my soul steal my joy.

I am not one for New Years resolutions.. This year however, I am committed to making time to read my Bible and spend time talking with my loving always- present Father. I notice that when I start the day with prayer, my day is a whole lot smoother. Its not that things don't happen (Oh boy...do they ever!!) Its that I am given the strength to get through those things. It results in less patience losing and more compassion. I can give grace more freely to my littles as God has given it abundantly to me.

This is not a New Years resolution that I can afford to forget and lay at the wayside by February.

Have you ever felt a deep stirring in your soul? Like something was not quite right. You know something is happening and you just can't put your finger on it. In the movies, this would be when the music starts to swell and you feel the build up but you can't see what has happened yet.

That is how I feel going in to this brand spanking new year.

More than that I feel that I am being led down a road that is not lit. I can feel a change is a'comin. All I can see, however, is the next step. I wish I could know what God is calling me to do. I could prepare. (Or at least protest. :) )

It could be that he is calling me to be still. To be more present and to wait upon him.

It could be a call to action. YIKES!

Its more like Gods New Year resolution working in me. I have to relinquish control and it scares the pee pee out of me.(( Hey- I'm just keeping it real!))

So there is the whole sorted jumble of feelings and emotions all written down.

I like that one day I can look back and say "See! This is when God started that awesome thing he did!!

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." - Jeremiah 33:3"

my emotional ramblings

My baby, my son, will be starting in kindergarten this week.

Gone are the days of lazily laying on the couch asking his mama for some more milk while he giggles with his sister. All day movie marathons, running through the sprinklers, morning zoo trips, eating cherries on the porch, making Popsicles, chasing lightning bugs, painting, taking long strolls.

I still remember praying for his very existence. I begged God for him to bless me with a healthy baby. Fresh off of a loss, I was raw, exposed and hurting.

God did bless me with a baby. I laughed and cried when I felt him move from within me the first time. I held my husbands hand and cried again when we saw that beautiful heartbeat on the screen.

Every ache and pain and discomfort was worth it. I prayed every night and day that this baby would be healthy and strong. (God got the last laugh on this one because he made him strong all right....strong willed!)

Then the day of his birth which I can recall every last scary detail. The day we almost lost our precious baby boy before his life even began.

How an awesome God spared him.

How I was changed forever.

I thought the painful breastfeeding and sleepless nights would last forever. I was oh so wrong. They passed without me even noticing. Now where a crib once stood, stands a big boy bed with fire truck sheets and prized possessions stacked on a play tool bench beside him. Treasures.

Where has the time gone? Where is that baby boy that I used to rock and sing and soothe every fear that he had? He has been replaced by a big boy that doesn't want me to walk him in his school and wants to wear "cool clothes" .

My first instinct is to hold even tighter onto my baby.

God is working on this mamas heart to not live in fear. That this child has an awesome purpose. One that goes beyond anything that I could imagine.

"Let me work everything out"...I hear God whisper to my heart.

I have a difficult time with letting go of my precious one. I try to remember that God loves my baby even more than I do. I can't quite wrap my mind around it.

So I pray.

I pray that he will maintain his kind, kind heart and compassion for others. That he will not become hard to this world while not getting trampled over either. That he will have the courage to stand tall for what he believes is right and doesn't follow the crowd. That he will keep his innocence.

I pray and try to let the Lord pry away the white knuckled grip that I want to have on my boy.

The awful truth is that he will get hurt. People will be unkind. He will learn things that I would never expose him to within this home. He will have some tough choices to make.

The glorious truth is that God is still on the throne and and still in control. He cares about this mamas tears. He holds my son in his hand and calls him his own. He has patience with me and reminds me to savor these moments because they go by too quickly.

"Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:19

Confessions of a desperate housemama: Grocery store woes.

I had the best of hopes for the day.

That was my first mistake.

I needed to do some grocery shopping and I decided to take the princess with me. Since I am a human cow, I was afraid she would open her big blue eyes the moment I pulled out of the driveway and cry non stop.

I told the hubs that I would take her because she would probably snooze through the whole thing. I had grand visions of a peaceful, beautiful baby sleeping while I save my family money couponing and deal hunting.

EHHHHHHHH. (That was the sound of the buzzer signaling my wrongness at this assumption.)

I got about to the front door when the little ball of joy opened her eyes and decided that she had slept enough. I felt my belly flip flop in worry with the hours of shopping I had before me than I just as quickly told myself that she would either go back to sleep or be highly entertained by all the sights.

Do I need to sound the buzzer again??

It started with little whines and a couple grunts. Three isles in we were in full crying mode. I had to search for the right deal and then again through my coupon binder while pushing the cart back and forth, back and forth. Over and over again.

By the time I reached the canned goods that wouldn't even appease my little blessing. I thought maybe she would like to be in the carrier against me. Then she would fall asleep right?!?

I got her feet in the carrier right as she threw her arms out and knocked a jar of olives out of my hand, sending it to its death. I heard the glass break and the very nice grocery man came and assured me it was no big deal.

I broke a speed record going to the next isle.

"Clean up in isle five...just follow the screaming baby."

Little miss was not satisfied with this carrier arrangement however, so I started to bounce my body down the isle, singing the Steely Dan song that was blaring over the loundspeaker.

bounce bounce. " When you smile for the camera.....you know I love you better" People were trying to look without being rude.

Then even this would not satisfy. I felt my milk come in, a direct response to her little shrieks of discontent.

I looked around in panic. I had a cart full of food, some things left to get and a very unhappy girl on my chest.

Why oh why didn't I wear my nursing tank or a top that could be shoved to the side to nurse?!?
I had to have a t-shirt that you had to lift completely up to get to the girls...geesh.

When I hit the frozen foods, I tried to maneuver one of the girls out the top of the t-shirt while having the carrier cover any show that I might give to the patrons. I then tried throwing a receiving blanket over one shoulder, lifting my t-shirt up on one side to expose enough for her to be appeased while yanking it down in the back so I wasn't totally naked from the rear.

That didn't work and generally ticked her off.

I was a desperate woman, which isn't a far jump for me. (Ask my friends or hubs...they will tell you.)

As the beads of sweat started to form, I pushed my cart to the front of the store, looking for a chair, bench or anything where I could discreetly sit my bottom down and feed my child.

Nothin.

I saw that off to the left was a semi- segregated area.

The liqueur section.

I made my way there, screaming baby and all and hid in front of one of the shelves. I then lifted my whole shirt up. (I told you I was desperate.) and attached crying baby to an udder.

Sweet, sweet silence.

I did manage to get a receiving blanket over me but who was I kidding? My back was totally exposed and you could hear, suck, suck, gulp. (The girl was hungry, ok?!?)

Of course being my child, she was going to be leisurely about her eating. (The experts always see eat slowly, right?)

I had nothing to do but look at all the liqueur around me. I seriously contemplated opening a bottle and taking the edge off my nerves. I wondered to myself...

"Self, wonder if I could unscrew a bottle with my teeth, while only being able to hold the bottle with one hand?"

I shook my head into rational thinking again and decided that alcohol was not the answer. Especially if someone came around the bend and saw me nursing and drinking.

My thought soon turned to panic while I then thought about all the people who could come into my isle. You know, ex-boyfriends, that perfect mom from the PTA, construction workers.

The princess finally did get her fill and I gently placed her in her carrier while trying to put all my clothes back in place. I told little girl that mama had been through the ringer today so I expected her to be a quiet little angel the rest of the trip.

She responded with a goofy grin and moving her bowels in a mighty way...as in blowout in isle 20.

Not the sign I was looking for.

Pregnancy makes you crazy

Since this blog is my therapy I would like to just get some things off my chest. Mostly some crazy things that this pregnancy has made me do...

** Wake up in the middle of the night unable to sleep because some things have been bugging me. So what do I do? I make of list of people to call the next day to tell them all the things that they are doing that bug me....and then I actually do it. Yikes!

** Re- paper and organize every single cabinet and shelf in my kitchen in a week.

** Put a giant anaconda shaped pillow between me and my love at night so that I throw my arms, belly and legs over it. Leaving him exactly 4 inches to sleep....like he is in a coffin. (I may have squinted my eyes at him, daring him to say one word but I'll never talk.)

** I have the worst case of non filtered verbal vomit a prego has ever seen. If it runs through my mind, it slides out my mouth. Often with me slamming my hand over my mouth in disbelief that I just said what I said.

** Deciding I need to tear out my pantry and totally reorganize it, go through 25 totes of kids clothes and pack away my winter clothes.....3 days before I have 40 people come over for my son's birthday party. No pressure.

** Go through 2 whole days of enduring kidney stones because I had stuff to do.

** Getting mad at hubs because he had the audacity to not have kidney stones and a pregnant belly and he was whistling. I started to get out both the big shovel and hefty bags.....it was a close call that day.

I need me a sister wife.....

I was sitting on the couch the other night in all my bloated belly glory, watching a show about polygamy. ((I know what your thinking but I could not turn my eyes away from it.)) It was fascinating to me.

My hubs who was getting some work done in the same room, turned to me with a smirk and asked how I would like it if he took another wife on. He was sort of smirking like "my pregnant wife would kill her and then come after me" type thing.

I looked down at my belly and my charlie horse ridden legs and then I made a quick sweep of my living room. My perfectly picked up room 3 hours before was now littered with coloring books and My Pretty Ponies.

I looked at him with all sincerity and said " I would love it."

He looked at me with shock.

I thought about how everyones laundry just shows up clean and folded in their drawers, healthy dinners show up at the table, the house is cleaned and picked up a million times a day and the all the shopping gets done. This isn't counting the books read to children, building a lincoln log homes, candy land, hugs, medical care, T-ball games....the list goes on and on.

So I have decided that I need a wife.

I would love someone to tell me when they have scheduled my dentist appointment for me, prepare a balanced yet delicious lunch, or clean out the pantry. I could get sick and not worry that the house will fall apart....wow. To simply have the luxury to not remember things because I know someone is there to remember for me, remind me, take care of things.....what would that be like?

I snapped back into reality that I will be the one and only wife in this home...but its tempting, isn't it?

Where has time gone?

My little girl, my baby, turned 3 last week.

I look at her and still see my infant girl swaddled in pink.

She proves she is three, however by having strong opinions in almost everything. From what she is going to wear to not liking her hair in a ponytail to loving all things Strawberry Shortcake.

She announced to us a couple weeks ago, she was going to start going to the potty. Then did.

She is all girl and loves all things girlie. I especially love it when she gets up from her nap. I know she has gotten up because she wears play heels out of her room and the "clomp, clomp" sound is like a trumpet announcing her arrival.

She is fierce.

I want her to stay like this forever. Knowing who she is. (A beautiful, confident child of the king)

My prayer is that she will be fierce in her beliefs and stay true.

I know its going to be a long road.

She is pure joy.

How you know your pregnant (Like you didn't already?!?!)

* Tums become your dessert of choice....and you have your favorite brand and flavor.

* You are not one for violence, but you suddenly want to karate chop the woman who is coming towards you with hands outstretched to rub your belly like Buddha.

* You just love when people tell you the following phrases:

- You are huge! (Really?!?! That is what I have been dying to hear ?!?! )

- You must be ready to go any minute! (No,actually I have two more months but thanks.)

- You haven't had that baby yet?!?! (Sorry to disappoint you )

* If anyone stands in your way of having a meal....well, good luck to them. (Including your hubs)

*Suddenly the gentle woman you have always strived to be turns into a mama lion when ANYTHING happens to one of your children. I think I have even found myself snarling...that's right.....lip back...growling)

* You can go from ranting to crying to laughing...all within 5 minutes.

* You wonder how you could possibly get any bigger....then you do.

* You have the strangest dreams , when you sleep at all, like giving birth to cats, giant babies and giving birth in the jungle.

* Having a shooting pain that starts in your tush and shoots like a dagger down your leg.

* Burps that cannot be stopped or quited and are as loud and long as a trucker. Usually these escape when your in the middle of church or a parent teacher conference. Classy.

* The baby gives you a swift kick in your special lady parts and you automatically grab your crotch. Most the time in public.

*** Not trading one burp, pain, sleepless night for the wonderful joy that is motherhood!

The Princess Problem

I HATE entitlement!! Its my biggest pet peeve. When I encounter someone who feels like they are entitled to something in life, I let out a little growl under my breath. (( I am related to some of these said people....... More irritation ensues!))

So you can understand how I am conflicted with the princess problem.

My daughter follows in the line of ten stinky, rough, tackling, fishing, pretend gun toting cousins and brother!! (Not one girl in the whole extended family!) The first time I saw her sweet little face after so many boys my first thought was that she was sure to be a tom-boy. BOY....was I wrong!

She could not be more girly.

She is in love with play jewelry, wants to play dress up, pretends to put on make up, wears play heels around the house, wants to pick her own cute clothes, and loves the colors pink and purple. She is ALL girl.

Lately she has really been into anything princess. It makes me worry a little bit. My vision starts getting cloudy with visions of "toddlers and tiaras" and demanding things from her "throne"!

I am exaggerating of course, its all fun right now. Its my role in it that I am worried about. How should you handle the princess problem?

I have no concern with her watching the movies, dressing up and pretending. She could wear her Cinderella dress to mall for all I care.

Everywhere you turn its pictures of tiaras, castles, wall hangings that state " I'm a princess" or "spoiled". Not exactly the message I want to send to my little girl!

I have been pondering which way I should go with this for a while now. I have landed upon a conclusion that I can live with.

My daughter is a princess.

Because she is a child of the King.

I tell her often. "Do you know that you are a child of the king???" She nods knowingly that yes, of course she is.

He sees her, thinks she is lovely and wants her to act like royalty.

I am called to raise her as a royal child.

To show her that she is beautiful on the inside and out. To live up to her royal calling by putting others before herself, serving where it is needed.

By giving herself the highest of standers. Acting as princess should. Not by demanding her own way but by listening to the King, obeying and serving.

Its a tall order. One that I as her mama have been called to do. "Yikes"...comes to mind.

So I don't mind the tiaras, dress up clothes and princess wall art because the truth is that she is a princess.

But like a true princess its more about a royal calling than what is coming her way.

Enough !!!!

What is enough?

When do you say when?

When are you "filled up"?

When do you get to be content?

These questions have really been on my mind these last couple of months. I think somewhat in part because I am fed up with people and materialism and being pregnant, I am not afraid to say so. (Ooops....did I write that out loud?.....I am blaming the hormones.)

I feel like my eyes have been opened throughout the last six months about how little things, objects and material things really mean.

I have several people I know that continually seek out the next thing.

Bigger. Better. More. They call it ambition.

I call it seeking some things that will never, ever fill you up.

Because the horrible, awful, wonderful truth of the matter is that all of those things will perish and fade and can be lost tomorrow.

Too many times you feel like if you just get to this station in life, if you just have this next thing, you will feel ok. Then you achieve that next thing and you long for the next thing...and then the next. It never ends.

I am here to tell you that God is working on my heart about this very matter. I am reminded by a touch of a little hand or the chipped tooth smile of an angel on earth that what I need to strive after is investing time into my faith, family and friends.

If I were to fall ill tomorrow, I would not have my lovely house, my nice car or my cute clothes to sit by my bed and hold my hand. All the time I spend in trying to get ahead in this world, while missing out on precious moments with my littles is time wasted. I shall never get the moments back of a child simply wanting to spend time with their mama.

I believe in the very depths of my soul that contentment is both a gift and choice. Sometimes, you just need to take a huge step back and choose contentment. The truth is, what we have in this country is unimaginable to most of the rest of the world. What someone wouldn't give for kids that are healthy or not to worry where food is coming from to fill their baby's belly's tonight.

WE ARE BLESSED.

My payer for 2011 is simple. My prayer is that I will choose contentment everyday I am blessed enough to open my eyes and have the great opportunity to see, hear and hug my precious ones.

Please Lord, let me see my blessings in the everyday. Let YOU be enough for this stressed, tired and dare I say.... hormonal mama.

Motherhood Musings

I lay my hand on my swollen belly and I feel my little one within respond with a jab. I laugh out loud, overwhelmed with what pure joy feels like.

My son places his hand in the same place only to be met with total motionless silence.

The beginning of sibling rivalry. :)

My husband and I assure him that one day, very soon, you will be able to see the kicks and definitely feel them.

He doesn't look so sure and goes off to play with cars.

As if on cue, I get another kick and I have to stifle a giggle. Its like having a secret joke among a loved one.

I am overwhelmed with this gift of carrying a child and of the joy and complete agony of motherhood.

I could not feel more blessed.

Thank you Lord.

Having a servents heart this holiday season!

I wrote this last year at the Christmas but I still feel the same way, this year! I thought it was worth a re-post!

I head a lady complaining the other day, while I was waiting in a long line. (Of course!) She was moaning about everything that she had left to do for Christmas. As I listened to her run down her list, I could truly sympathise.

"I have to address 150 Christmas cards, wrap all my gifts, bake about a thousand cookies and finish getting stocking stuffers" The woman she was talking to could relate. She started naming off all the things that she had to do along with a comment about how she doesn't enjoy the holidays all that much.

I think we all can relate in a way. There is no doubt about it. The holidays are a busy time.
As I recalled the conversation (as I was wrapping a gift) I began to wonder. Is this what the holidays are all about? How much pressure do we put on ourselves?

Then I actually felt guilty for enjoying all those things that woman was complaining about! I love baking cookies. The kids enjoy having goodies to snack on and it makes this time of year special. The hard work I put into each baked treat is appreciated by my friends and family. Its not just flour, sugar and butter. Its my love given to my loved ones.

I also will admit to really enjoy wrapping gifts. I wait until my kids are asleep and then I put on a chick flick (White Christmas anyone?) Cocoa, a snack and turn the fireplace on. I savor this time. I get to wrap each gift in fun, beautiful or funky paper and then make it pretty with ribbon, bows or ornaments. I like to think that when the person receives the gift, they will feel a little more special! (Or at least be able to tell how special I think they are!)

It didn't always used to be like this.. I am afraid that I used to be just like that woman in line. Everything about the holidays was just another thing on my list to be checked off. But is that all there is? The holidays are just a series of things to get done, accomplished and then we can sleep tight at night?

What if we actually slowed down and -gasp- enjoyed the tedious "jobs" that go along with the holidays. You see I believe that its all about having a servants heart. I am leaning this more each day.

I am far from where I need to be.

If we look at these tasks as something that gives joy and pleasure to others the job is suddenly not a "job" but a gift. That time I put into sending a special note in their card or baking that extra batch of cookies is my gift of love.

I could say the same about not doing anything. I have cut out the things that really don't matter at all in order to .. well do nothing with my hubbie and kids. Then those other things that have to be done can be enjoyed rather than endured.

This season is all about the Creators wonderful gift to us.... his Son. If he gave me this gift begrudgingly, would I appreciate it as much? Would I cherish it knowing that it really didn't want to be given?

The truth is that it although it was at the biggest cost, it was joyfully given in love. That is how much I was loved. WOW. Shouldn't I have the same attitude of giving in this Holiday season?

Hopefully I can maintain this attitude throughout Christmas.. but check in on Christmas eve at 2:00am. :)

Pregnancy is...well pregnancy is weird.... Morning Sickeness!

I am currently baking my third child. I will tell you that this is a child we have prayed for and God has richly blessed us with one more!

However.....that does not change the weirdness of pregnancy. I would like to talk about some of the 1st trimester weirdness. (You know because now that I am out of all that ickyness, I can laugh about it!)

Morning sickness-

Yeah. Right.

Whoever the genius was that came up with this term, never experienced the lovely condition. I WISH I was only sick in the morning. That would have been lovely.

Instead, I was sick every minute and every hour of the day. I would even get up in the middle of the night to get sick. Morning sickness my foot.

But I'm not bitter...no sirree bob!!

Speaking of my favorite condition, many who have never been pregnant compare morning sickness to having the stomach flu. WRONG!!! Its hard to describe to someone who has never been blessed with child but it goes something like this.

The minute you get done getting sick, or if your like me, in the middle of it...your thinking about what you can eat next. Weird. I told ya! Never in my life of having the stomach flu have I been thinking about food. Yet, there I was hugging the toilet for all I was worth, trying not pee my pants. (A present from my first two...weak bladder) thinking about what I could eat when I was done.

One of my girlfriends told me that the only time she didn't feel sick, was when she was eating. She laughed and confessed that she just kept eating all the time. I say "whatever works for you sister! No judgement here!"

Then you have to deal with the ramifications of what you ate before you got really sick and never...ever...wanting to eat that again. If you are really a sickie like me, you start to run out of things that even sound halfway edible.

I got to the point where I was the anti-Atkins diet. I did all starches...all the time. Potatoes were my friends along with tortilla chips, peppermint ice cream and crackers and bread. (I am not sure but this could be why I gained 5 lbs in my first trimester even though I couldn't stop getting sick)

My thing that I really couldn't stand was the advice.(( Usually, I am polite and gentle with my unwanted advice but the morning sickness made me this beast of a woman. )) If I was told to try Ginger, ginger ale, peppermint tea, sea bands, pressure points, eating a cracker before getting out of bed or any other form of loving advice I was going to lose it!!! I wanted to throw my hands in the air and scream "I have tried it all!!! If I thought standing on my head naked would make me feel better...I WOULD DO IT !!!!"

Anywho, it always amazes me how easily we forget these things after they have passed. I am sitting here eating a sub as I type this and its delicious! Foods just taste better when you are pregnant, don't they? I guess that is our reward for getting through morning sickness!!

Next week: Insomnia.

My really bad, terrible, awful day! (Did I mention it was awful?)

It started out like any other typical day. I had high hopes for a smooth day....boy was I wrong!

I went in for my standard 12 week OB appointment only for my OB to not find the heartbeat. I felt my own pulse quicken with anticipation as we walked over to the ultrasound room. I had my 2 1/2 year old with me and she was just chatting away. I was trying to appear calm.

As soon as the wand touched my stomach we saw my little plum promptly turn its back to us and refuse to flip around. My first thought was "Oh, this is how baby #3 is going to be...great!" I then had to turn my focus on my almost 3 year old screaming to the top of her lungs " I can't see the baby!!! Too dark!!!"

My OB was laughing.....I was trying to remember why I got pregnant again.

The sudden ultrasound made me late in picking up my son from preschool. There he was in the front lobby with one of my girlfriends that I had called. First thing out of his mouth? "Why are you so late, mama?!?!" As other mamas (who were not late in picking up their offspring) looked on.

Being late caused me to run thru a drive thru on the way home instead of fixing a extra healthy nutritious meal for my brood, which in return caused mama guilt. That in return made me scarf down my food, only to make a swift return when morning sickness hit.

Good times.

Number 1 refused to take a nap while number 2 slept longer than normal which left me balancing trying to keep #1 quiet and entertained. (My boy thought my front living room is a gymnastics center and every time I would walk away I would hear a "BOOM" where he had catapulted his body off of some piece of furniture.)

I then had to wake #2 up so that I could hurry my littles out the door for our last night of t-ball. Of course this was the night that my people did not want to get their shoes on, want to go pee for the last time and wanted to ask about how pumpkins grew. I started to count to ten and decided I needed more than a hundred numbers....

At the ball park my son was drawing letters in the dirt when he should have been trying to catch a ball and lost his glove. Enter lunatic mom yelling through the fence. " Miles, your glove is right here...come and get it...Miles! MILES!!!"

Now moms and dads were looking at me. I was too tired and worn out to care at that point.

I turned to find my daughter was covered in dirt and was throwing it on one of her little playmates....squarely in the eyeballs. I rushed over to her and had a talk about not throwing in which she giggled and did it again. I then picked her up and removed her from her friend which sent her into hysterics and screaming loud enough to wake the dead.

After the game they awarded trophies to the boys only for me to not have a camera. (The only parent not to have one) A fellow mom looked at me sadly and offered to take pictures for me and send them to me. I have to be honest, at this point, I just wanted to crawl under the bench and rock back and forth.

Walking back to the car with another family my daughter shot ahead sing songing " I love to run la la la" I couldn't keep up with her and she darted straight out in the parking lot, trying to escape the grasp of her older brother who was chasing her. I shouted and a mom grabbed her just before she ran in front of a moving vehicle. While I grabbed her this mom was looking at me like I had no business having another child and I believed her. I swiftly started disciplining my daughter only for her start to bawl and guess what? I started to bawl too.

Trying to still talk to my daughter about the dangers of running out in the street, I put my son in his car seat. He was displeased with this because he couldn't talk to his friend in the car beside him. Not having a nap and acting in the flesh, he decided that the proper action to take was to punch the window. All this while his little friends family looked on.

I quickly opened the door and managed to hiss out a warning. Going to the back of my car, I realized that I left the lawn chair waaaaaay back at the ball field. I felt hot tears sting the backs of my eyes and the hubby of my friend beside me must have felt sorry for me because he ran back to get it for me.

I won't bore you with more. (Oh yes, there is more!) The point of rawly exposing my worst day I have had in a long time is simple. Many times we as moms try to come off as perfect. Like we have it all together. As a mom, I see other moms and wonder how they manage to do it all. Or after a really bad long day I wonder if I deserve to be a mom.

One of my friends whom I have not seen for a while confided that she wanted to handle things like I did with the kids. I threw my head back and let out a long hearty laugh. I told her of that awful day where I felt like a total failure as a parent. Her eyes grew wide and she joined me in a good belly laugh.

Because that is the thing with girlfriends who are mama's. We don't only need to share recipes and sewing tips. We need to share the really hard days where our kids are acting a'fool and we are losing it. Because we have all been there!!! We all have days like this. None of us are perfect, have it all together or do the right thing all the time. Just knowing that we are not alone helps us to take a deep breath and hope that tomorrow will be better. (Along with prayer...alot of prayer!)

So next time your friend is having a hard day take some pity on her and tell her a really awful story of yours. It will make everyone feel better!

Holy Wars

I have 2 delightful children and am cooking the third. I love my little brood and I love their distinct personalities ...well, sometimes.

The current dilemma in our house is saying grace before meals.

My son has always been the little evangelist. He loves to say grace and I am quite proud of him. He has learned not to recite but to really make it personal. He will ask for God to keep daddy safe while at work, to help sissy with her cold or when he is really hungry he thanks God for the "best food ever". Its sweet and makes me smile.

Enter the little sister.

She is sassy. In every way. She may be little in stature but she is BIG in personality. She has figured out that it bugs her darling brother if she tries to say grace...over top of his grace.

Number 1 gets truly enraged, even daring to growl and bang his fist on the table in the middle of thanking the Lord for or food. This of course delights number 2 and results in giggles and grins. Which just makes my son all the more angry.

I am sure that the Lord is more amused that I am at these times.

I try to explain that we are thanking God for our food and that this is not appropriate. We have tried taking turns saying grace, disciplining my daughter, both saying it. I have exhausted my list of options.

Being the cooker of #3 I can hardly wait (sarcasm intended) to see what he/she brings to the dinner table.

Isn't that the great part of being in a family, though? All those moments that cannot be planned and that make you laugh later. It makes me love this job as a mama and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Well....most days anyway.

I guess for now, its our own little Holy war.

Momisms - Happy Friday!

Get while the gettin is good-

As in leave wherever you are while your children are still acting normal or pleasant.

As in leave the location before they get too tired, hot, cold, hungry, bored or overstimulated.

A fine line to walk especially with moms that don't know you and/or whose children is acting like angels.

Often heard being muttered as in " Should have left while the gettin was good" by tired stressed out moms who have lost all pride as they drag their tear ridden screaming child to the car.

Sometimes its about survival

Don't you just love the airline stewardess?

I especially love the very practiced safety speech they give at the beginning of the flight. The two finger pointing to the emergency exits, pulling on the yellow inflatable life vest, the example of the flotation device that is currently your seat. (All while having a picture perfect smile and make up too , I might add!)

My very very favorite part of their spiel is something I find fascinating. When it comes to cabin pressure. When the cabin pressure drops, these little mask things fall from the heavens. The airline stewardess then says the most shocking thing. They instruct you to first place the life giving mask on your face before you place it on your child's mouth.

My first gut reaction is that of disbelief! My child comes first. I want to take care of my child first.

This is the way of the mama, isn't it? We love these little blessings and its our job to take care of them and their needs.

But sometimes , I have come to realize, its about survival.

If you would place that mask around your child's mouth first, then you risk running out of air and dire consequences would surely follow. Who would then take care of your loved ones? What would happen to them?

If you would first get the crucial air that you need then you could have the resources to then take care of all your loved ones. You could keep going.

This is a lesson that God is really showing me about this week. I am trying to take care of everyone. Everyone that is but myself. No one is going to come into this home and make me take a bubble bath or go for a long walk or a dinner out with some good girlfriends. I am starting to figure out that I am going to have to claim this time as my own. Even fight for it sometimes. Not to be selfish but to survive.

So many times this week alone, I have pushed my daily devotional to the side because the kids need me. But I have come to realize that I need my Father too. Until I am filled up myself, I am empty to fully give back to those I love the most. Its not selfish because in the end I am a better mama, friend and lover. I am filled and fulfilled and I am free to pour out.

So I am going to start to try to look at time with a good girlfriend as a huge giant oxygen mask that is being dropped from the sky. Or at least that is what I will tell myself as I pay the babysitter :)

The Ugly Furry Truth

It starts simple enough.

You see a soft, furry bear sitting on a lonely shelf at a posh store. Or you receive the cutest little stuffed green frog at your baby shower. Your mind instantly goes to the perfect spot in your very clean nursery. You smile and pat your belly, longing for the day that your little cherub with clutch the furry thing with chubby fingers.

So you go home and place the animal or animals in the perfect spot. Right by the crisply folded matching receiving blankets and the stack of newly Dreft washed onsies. You let out a sigh and can hardly contain the excitement of the love that will fill this room.

Then the cherub arrives and so do more stuffed animals. These usually are sporting little bear T-shirts that say "Its a boy!" or "I'm with the little sister!" You place these animals in the little clear laundry basket on wheels that they cart the babies around in and smile. By the time you leave the birthing place of your choice, you need an entire flatbed for the flowers, balloons and of course the stuffed ones.

You panic a little when you get home because you are having a hard time placing all the said stuffed ones in the perfectly arranged nursery. You manage to find some room and you go to snuggle with your little.

Flash forward a couple of years. Now you see a picture of a mom who will kill you and bury you in the backyard of you bring a stuffed animal in her home.

I am going to tell you new moms something that no one was kind enough to tell me in my pregnant splendor.

Stuffed Animals get together and reproduce when the lights go out.

It happens slowly. So slowly you barely notice at first. Little Johnny sees a bright purple and green snake at the fair that he begs his daddy to win for him. Little Susie sees a stuffed bear....in a cheer leading outfit.

Before you know it you are knee deep in stuffed things and you want to rip their stuffing out of them. You start to curse the stuffing givers and vow to get your revenge when they have their own bundles of joy.

I believe it may be a conspiracy of some sort. To drive us mamas crazy. (Especially those tight on space.)

Can you tell that I have been on a cleaning and organizing kick? I have to admit that I have been channeling the wrath of fur into big bags labeled. "Donation". I tell myself that some little child out there really needs a stuff animal because he doesn't have one.

I'm a giver like that.

The Summer of Yes

My little boy came up to me the other day and asked a crazy question. The question was "Can I have some ice cream" ? It was a crazy question because it was ten in the morning.

Anyone that knows me, even a little bit, knows that I am one for rules, traditions and routines. I think that they bring stability and harmony to a home and after all .....I am a first born! :) (We firstborns like to run the show and as a mama it has served me well.)

Until this summer.

This summer I have come to realize that there is power in saying yes to a child.

I looked at my little boy who was practically vibrating with excitement when I told him that he could indeed have the ice cream at ten in the morning. (After looking at me like I was pod person who just looked like his mama.)

I have to be honest that my gut reaction was to say "no" and I had a list prepared of the reasons why. Then I paused. Its summertime and we had no where to go. Was the lunch police going to come and ticket me? I thought it sounded good myself. So I got out three bowls and started a scoopin.

I explained that this was not an everyday thing but a special "yes thing". (I don't think he really cared what it was as long as he got the ice cream) We sat down and happily ate our ice cream talking about what we should do this week and what books we still needed to read in our library basket. There was giggling and ice cream spilled and lots and lots of chipped tooth grinning going on in my small kitchen. I loved every minute of it.

It got me thinking....how often do I say no to things that really do not matter? Is my saying no so much preventing him from hearing me say no to the REALLY important things?

I will tell you that we did have a nutritious lunch that day but it was pushed back a little later and he ate as much of it as if the lunch and ice cream had exchanged places. "Hmmmmm" I thought...interesting.

Yesterday, I let my 2 kids and their cousin make my whole front room into a fort with clean sheets that had just been washed. I smiled as I heard them plan what they would take in and what supplies were still needed. I would have to wash the sheets again. I would have to take it down and clean up said supplies. One of my funnest memories as a child, however, was being over my friends house and her mom letting us do this in her living room. It was as magical to me as Narnia.

Hearing whispered plans and hushed giggles coming from the living room made my heart skip a beat at the power of the word yes.

Of course I cannot say yes to everything but I have decided that this is the "summer of yes" for this mama.

Is it wrong that I am actually having as much fun as they are?

Its True...Men are from Mars

Now ladies. Y'all know that this is not a man bashing blog. I love my man and he is a wonderful husband and provider. I am blessed beyond measure.

But......

God did make us different. No one can argue that fact. So since I use this blog as cheap therapy, I thought I would ummmmm....talk about some of the differences that my girlfriends and I have been discussing lately.

Daily mundane chores- Why is that hubbies think that they are entitled to do their everyday tasks without any interruption from little ones and have to do it at the exact moment that they feel it needs to get done.

Example: "I have to mow the lawn this morning" or go and run and get a part for the weed eater. Or even " I am going down in the basement to fix that part on the water heater."

Ok. These are all things that need done and I am glad I have a man that takes care of business.

However...

I would love to turn to my husband and say "I need to clean the house right now...your taking the kids to the park for 3 hours, feeding them and bringing them back when I am done, right?"

It never occurs to our husband that we do our everyday mundane tasks like cleaning house, laundry (many times in the basements while our little ones are frantically screaming "mama!!" because they haven't seen the white of our eyeballs for 3 minutes.) gardening, grocery shopping and the thousand of other things we do in one day with our children underfoot. More than that, it takes four hours to do a 30 minute task because we have noses, tears and tushy's to wipe, multiple"I'm hungry ....I need a snack" to dish out on demand and don't even get me started on the whiny "I'm booooorrrreeeedddd."

Recently the love of my life explained to me with a baffled look that it never occurred that I needed help with these things because it all got done and I wasn't complaining.

REALLY?!?!?!

Note to self: Look as frantic and worn down as I feel to maybe get some help.

Asking to do Things- Why is it that husbands inform us when they have work events or social obligations but we have to ask to grab a quick cup of coffee with my girlfriend or even go in our backyard for some quiet time.

My girlfriend told me that recently after a total meltdown her confused hubby threw his hands up and said " Honey, I know you need to get out. All you have to do is ask!!"

Really?!?!?!

Note to Self: Maybe if I start asking every single time I need something, hubs will take a hint and start to ask me when he needs to do something. Like "Honey, can I go pee? I really need to...." "Babe, Can I go get the mail?" Hmph.

Obligations count as our "Time out"- One of my dear girlfriends gets hot under the collar at this one. When explaining to her husband that she has been with the kids for a couple weeks straight with no time to herself, her husband got a confused look on his face. (Notice the theme of confused husbands when talking about feelings.) He replied with "But honey, you just got out for a couple hours when you went grocery shopping the other night.

Really?!?!?!

You know..... because going to the grocery store is really comparable to a good pedicure or long talk with friends. With all the coupon organizing, deal comparison and calculating down ever isle and all.

Note To self: Next time I am getting a cavity filled or going grocery shopping for my family I should start skipping because this is just a swinging time away for me.

There. I feel better.

Now I can get back to loving my man.