Friday, August 14, 2009

Confessions of a desperate housewife- just your typical Friday!

I love my in-laws and feel so blessed to have such a loving extended family. When they decided to come into town for our children's dedication, I was thrilled that they would be staying with us! That being said, I am not sure if they will be coming back anytime soon!

I managed to entertain the kids and get the house cleaned that Friday. I even sat down during their afternoon nap, cut coupons and watched a show. I was just patting myself on the back about how I had managed to get everything done when the phone rang. My neighbor said that they have been evacuated from their house due to a gas leak and the gas man was on his way. She was on her way back from work and asked if I could let the gas man in their home. "Sure" I said " No Problem". This was the beginning of my downfall.....

As I was hanging up the phone, I heard my baby girl babbling in her crib. I went and got her, glad to spend some alone time with her. We sat down with a box of raisins (keep this detail in mind for later) and some juice and babbled at each other. I explained that Grandpa and Nana were coming. When we heard knocking at the door she put her fat little finger in the air and yelled " NANA" in only a way that a 1 year old can. We joyfully went to the door ready to embrace our long distance relatives and there stood.... the gas man.

I opened the door with baby on hip and he told me that no one was home next door and he needed let in. I rummaged through our drawer and found a key. Walking barefoot, baby on hip I found that it was indeed the wrong key. Back the caravan tromped across the yards. I rummaged through the key drawer once again. Triumphantly I raised the right key in the air with flourish. I ran out onto the porch, door slamming behind me. It was about the time I unlocked my neighbors door that I realized I had just locked myself out of MY house. Barefoot with baby on hip and sleeping toddler inside of locked house.

I then scoured my neighbors house looking for our spare key. I was looking fast and furious because I didn't really want to be blown up. Nice thoughts huh? While I was looking for my key I was chit chatting with the young gas man and he kept smiling at me. I have to admit in the pursuit of keepin it real, I thought " This gas man is flirting with me!" That thought was followed by "I will have to tell my hubby I still got it!" I managed to find the key and ran back over to my house. I checked on my son to see that he was still sleeping and took my daughter in the bathroom with me. I put her down and felt... wetness on my shirt. I looked down to see a HUGE brown wet spot all over the front of my white shirt. My lovely daughter had had a blowout all over the front of me. No wonder the gas man was smiling. I was walking around with poo all over me.

I quickly changed shirts, trying to get my daughter to not wake up my son and was just taking her into the family room to change her when my in-laws walked in. "Hellloooo" they said. What a sight it must have been. A frazzled mama with a poopy daughter. I quickly explained the situation and they very kindly said they would watch the kids while I ran back to return the key and check on the situation.

That is when I noticed that somehow the dog escaped. My neighbor in her brief phone call had asked me to check on their golden retriever on the back porch. ( He apparently was to be evacuated too.) When I ran across the street, I saw the big lug running down the street. Frantically I start running down my street, trying to not step on rocks or hot pavement with my bare feet. Waving my arms like an idiot, I call to the dog. All I could think about was that I had lost my neighbors dog.

The dog looked at me and came running back. I grabbed it by the collar and started to drag it back to the porch. I was mumbling something about dogs and cats and how I never wanted a pet when I saw the crazy woman chasing us.

I have to say I was a little taken aback by this wild woman chasing us and I picked up the pace. I came to a dead stop however when I noticed a leash in her hand in one hand and a poo bag in another. My eyes narrowed at the dog as I suddenly realized the horrible, awful truth. I had just kidnapped another woman's dog. She looked scared and slowly took the dog away from me.

I tried to explain that our neighbor had a dog that looked exactly like hers. I don't think she was buying, however because she gave me a half hearted smile and booked her little tushy out of there. I really don't blame her... scary.

I finally got home and was trying to explain to my in-laws what the commotion outside was. Then the phone rings as my son wakes up from his nap. Its the neighbor. Apparently the dog (the real one) decided to show his disdain for being banned from the gas house by eating his entire leash. All 6 foot of it. All that was left was the metal clasp. Good times.

She asked if I would bring over a children's syringe so that she could make the dog throw up.

In the end the dog was fine and my in-laws finally got settled. I have to tell you though that I think they were a little scared :) The really scary part was that this is pretty much a typical Friday around here :) Motherhood is certainly not boring.....


Jane Buckeye said...

You told our fiasco story very well!

And yes, readers, that all happened in the course of about 2 hours and is all fact!

Sharon said...

You can't make this stuff up! Real Life is so much more entertaining isn't it?

Lauren at Big Easy Mom said...

That is so funny! Thanks for the laughs at your expense... I'll think of your story whenever I start thinking I'm having a bad day...