Wednesday, July 25, 2012

My Wrestling session with the Maker

I found this post while I was doing some house cleaning of the blog. It was while we were trying to sell our house and I was seriously questioning our decision, our faith in the way the Lord was leading us and my ability to follow. Being on the other side of it....well, I can honestly say God was in every detail. Since we all wrestle with God in some point in my life, I thought I would honestly share a glimpse of my personal struggle. :)

Hot tears stung my eyes. I was having a hard time staying composed.

Just this very morning, I had been short on faith. Questioning God about his plan for us. Was I doing the right thing? Was I really following his own direction? If I was following his lead, why was it taking so long ? If I was praying for my paths to be made clear, why was I stumbling along a dark and bumpy path?

"Please Lord. Please...."

It was all I could finish my prayer with. I was bleary with lack of sleep. (Thanks to my little who still wants a 3:00 am milk session with the mama.) I was tired. Emotionally and physically.

We are mamas, however. No rest for the weary. There was breakfast to be made, littles to feed and a list running in my head that was longer than my mind could retain.

I has a volunteer appreciation breakfast at my daughters preschool. I had to lay the girls clothes out and make sure they were fed. ((Dads creative when left to pick out wardrobes.))

I finally managed to make it to the breakfast after fretting over what the kids would do while I was gone, thinking about my to do list and worry of the house buying.

I arrived to find that my table was filled with ladies that I was familiar with and had several ladies that I have never met before. Sitting down, we made introductions and small chit chat.

I will be honest. My heart was heavy as I wrestled with God in my mind.

I started speaking to the older lady beside me and found out that she was a grandmother of a child who attended my daughters school. Upon further discussion I also discovered that this was not just a grandma but an extraordinary woman of God. I became engrossed as she described receiving a call from her Lord for her and her husband to get up and leave the only town they had ever know and start a christian school halfway across the country.

I felt my eyes widen and exclaimed that it must have been so scary and hard. She nodded in agreement and said that she too wrestled with God.

She gently laid her hand on mine and looked straight into my bloodshot eyes.

"God is preparing the way for you. You just have to be patient. You never know what he is doing behind the scenes! He is working on your future neighbors hearts and making your nest so that you can rest easy in it."

She squeezed my hand, smiled warmly and then sensing that I needed a moment, turned to the little performers on stage.

I sat in my chair stunned, humbled but mostly in awe of my God. He sure didn't need to do a check in with me. He is the author of the universe. Who am I ? A whiny child.

Yet my Holy God did check in. He used one of his own to speak a soothing word onto my wounded heart. I saw a glimpse, a flicker, of Gods Holiness. It overcame me.

I walked away a changed woman from my wrestling match with the Maker. I felt unworthy but saturated in His honest love for me.

Looking back, I have clarity. The house that we loved was sold before we sold ours. Now that we know more about that house, we know we wouldn't have been as happy as we are right now. God placed us exactly where we would be happiest. For our good and for his glory.

My heart will praise him....


Anonymous said...

Really encouraged by this! Thanks for sharing!