Tuesday, January 10, 2012

My hope for a New Year.....

I feel like 2011 has kicked my Boo-tay.

I have had too many extended family dramas to count. Setting boundaries with people that you are tied to by blood is an exhausting business.

I also feel like I have let outside forces such as social media, pretty shiny things and comparing myself to others creep slowly into my life like a cancer.

I am not saying that these things are bad in themselves. They are just that...things. Its when I measure myself against them that they start to turn ugly. I am not sure how it has happened and I am humbled because I can tell I am not where I once was.

I have lost my way with connecting daily with the Father. The excuses are many and I know that they make sense. Baby up all night, little people want to be fed (they are selfish like that :)) and e-mails to return. If I am totally honest with myself however, I can see that somehow I make time to check social Internet forums but somehow too busy to sit and read the Word of God.

Conveniently letting them and the enemy of my soul steal my joy.

I am not one for New Years resolutions.. This year however, I am committed to making time to read my Bible and spend time talking with my loving always- present Father. I notice that when I start the day with prayer, my day is a whole lot smoother. Its not that things don't happen (Oh boy...do they ever!!) Its that I am given the strength to get through those things. It results in less patience losing and more compassion. I can give grace more freely to my littles as God has given it abundantly to me.

This is not a New Years resolution that I can afford to forget and lay at the wayside by February.

Have you ever felt a deep stirring in your soul? Like something was not quite right. You know something is happening and you just can't put your finger on it. In the movies, this would be when the music starts to swell and you feel the build up but you can't see what has happened yet.

That is how I feel going in to this brand spanking new year.

More than that I feel that I am being led down a road that is not lit. I can feel a change is a'comin. All I can see, however, is the next step. I wish I could know what God is calling me to do. I could prepare. (Or at least protest. :) )

It could be that he is calling me to be still. To be more present and to wait upon him.

It could be a call to action. YIKES!

Its more like Gods New Year resolution working in me. I have to relinquish control and it scares the pee pee out of me.(( Hey- I'm just keeping it real!))

So there is the whole sorted jumble of feelings and emotions all written down.

I like that one day I can look back and say "See! This is when God started that awesome thing he did!!

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." - Jeremiah 33:3"