Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Confessions of a Desperate Housewife: Freak weather havoc

When I first started this blog I swore I would never try to come off as one of those mamas that had it all together. This is such a great illustration of how I have accomplished that goal!

I started the week at the mall to get Valentines cards and maybe some new bras. (The girls are working gals that are retired so they need some extra... um.... support) I had both kiddos with me so I knew shopping would be quick and probably painful. While shopping I spotted a lovely bra in a harlot shade of red. It was almost Valentines day so I thought it must be a sign

Now, I haven't bought any undergarments that weren't for function in such a long time. I have been a breastfeeding mama and if it didn't come in lift up flaps at the top for feeding access it wasn't in my drawer. Since my baby weened herself and I am starting to get my body back I thought this would be a great splurge. Besides it had lift em up high cups which is the support that any good post breast feeder needs....and it was on sale. (I remember when we were first married I didn't care how much my bras cost... oh how times have changed! )

I quickly made my purchase and started to head for the doors. I put the kids coats on and started to step outside.

Now the thing with Ohio is that we have freak weather patterns. We will get 5 inches of snow on Tuesday and Friday we are having a 65 degree heat wave. The most current freak thing we have been having is wind storms. Big bad woof wind storms. As in blow your house down winds. I knew that we had a wind warning but when I walked in the building a few hours earlier we had a breeze.

The moment (and I am talking a nanosecond here) I stepped outside things went downhill at a neck breaking speed. It was slow motion to me, playing out like some bad movie sequence but I am sure it went much quicker. (Lord I pray it did!)

The first thing that happened was that my sons hat went flying off his head and started to roll down the sidewalk. My son instantly started to scream bloody murder. (He was having "I must wear a hat" day) At the exact same time the wind decided to pick up our leftovers from chick-fa-lay and roll them in the same direction. I side stepped to try to save the rolling bag of grease along with my sons hat. I glanced at my son who had his hands on both ears, eyes shut, screaming "MAMMMMMMAAAA". My baby girl was waving her hands wildly and blinking at a rapid pace.

At the moment of catching up with the nuggies and hat, my own hat was whipped off of my head. Now ladies, lets be real here. My man was working a 24 hour shift, the kids got up early and I was tired. I did not wash my hair. I was dealing with more oil than Valvoline. I desperately reached for my hat as it laughed at me and rolled on to rest on the cigarette butt/ trashcan thingy. Lovely.

It was around this time that out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of red. Sheer terror washed over me as I prayed to a loving and gracious God that it was a hallucination. I turned just in time to see my newly purchased red bra rolling in... the middle of the street. It felt like I was trying to run underwater as I threw my embarrassed body out in the middle of the street trying to get my personal undergarments. ( Really personal , right? Now the world knows I own a working girl red bra) ~sigh~

I had just caught up with it when I heard my little guy let out a "weeeeeeeeee". Weeeee usually means fun right? I whipped around, hat, nuggies, hooker bra in my hand to see my stroller picking up speed down the slanted sidewalk. I was in a cold sweat as I broke some kind of running world record somewhere. I caught up with the stroller to find my children laughing hysterically. At least they won't need therapy for this incident. (I am sure there will be many other things they can lay there and talk about)

It was about the time I was wheeling to my car that I started to think about the scene that just played out to somebody driving by, sitting in their car or waiting to exit the building. I started to laugh so hard I had to stop pushing the stroller. I laughed even harder when I had to cross my legs to keep from peeing a little.


Michelle said...

This story was great. It so sounds like something that would happen to me. Its one of those situations where you must laugh to keep from crying. I am glad to hear that everone is ok and that you were able to find the humor in your mommy momment.

Marcy said...

We are going to end up in the looney bin together for sure. It's only a matter of time!

Brooke C. said...

I read this story two times today and laughed so hard that I cried! Thanks for lifting my day!!

Nick Billock said...

That is a GREAT story! I am sure your kids will be telling that one around the dinner table for years to come!