But their so cute when they sleep!

I have 2 under the age of 3. I .... am..... tired. Most the time I function fine. I am a schedule girl. We stay on the schedule and everyone stays sane. Its getting to be so very fun now that my daughter is starting to "play" with my son. When I hear them giggle my heart does a little pitter pat dance. When she takes his monster truck, however, I just hear alot of angry noises.

There are those days that are all monster truck moments. It seems like instead of my sweater and jeans I should have put on my white and black striped shirt and whistle. And it hasn't even begun yet!! I know I am not alone. My friends and I have talked about how some days all we say is "NO!!", "Stop That!", "Use your words", "Say Please", and "You don't talk to Mama that way!". (In fact, some days I think I live on coffee and prayer alone. )

I LIVE FOR BEDTIME on those days. I look at the clock wistfully. I say to myself..... "Just three more hours! You can be a great mama for three more hours". Its around this time my daughter decides to have the blowout of the century and leave a "poo trail" throughout my living room. I want to cry. I want to laugh. I want a live in housekeeper.

Bedtime does come and that's a whole struggle in itself. My toddler has discovered the power of the "just one more" stall tactic. You know..... just one more book, drink of milk, hug, kiss. Its like a marathon just to get him into his crib. After praying and songs, I shut his door and let out a sigh. I can actually sit down for ten minutes, watch my shows, stare into space, use the restroom ALL BY MYSELF.

Its about 30 minutes after both kids are in bed that I start to miss them. Yes, you heard the crazy lady right. After the horrific day that I had, I actually long for them to be in my lap. I miss the smell of their hair. The way my daughter snuggles into my chest. My son and the way he makes me laugh until my sides hurt.

The really bad nights are when I watch a show that involves a child getting hurt, having surgery or - gasp- dying. Or my hubby and I will be talking about the kids and what funny things they did that day. It makes my heart hurt. I want to wake them up and spend time with them. I realize that I love what I do. I just needed a little break to recharge.

Its about this time that I tiptoe into their rooms and just look at them. I start to tear up as I watch my big boy suck his little thumb. My daughter as she clings to her grungy pink blanket. Until they start to stir. That's the point that I fall to the floor and remain motionless. I am not that crazy to actually want them to wake up......