Wednesday, April 8, 2009

What happened to all the grandparenty grandparents?

So this is half rant half real life question. So what the heck happened to the grandparents that I had growing up? Don't get me wrong. They don't have to wear buns and be rocking 24-7 in their granny rockers on their porch. But come on people!!!

Almost every friend I have all have something in common. Our parents are sure not like our grandparents to our kids. Sure they love our kids to pieces but they need "me" time. They are working or socializing, dating, or just plain too busy.

I spent so much time with my grandparents that it was like a second home. We went shopping together, made popcorn and watched movies, and was taught how to bake the perfect pie crust. Traditions were handed down and implemented with joy. I felt like they loved hanging out with me and would use this to my benefit by spending the night with them frequently. My fathers mother would make me HOMEMADE cocoa, taught me how to sew and pinch homemade tortillas. My mothers mother introduced me to poetry, taught me embroidery and gave me my first months rent in my very first apartment. They were and always will be a major part of my life.

This brings me back to my original thought of the look and feel of today's grandparents. They are busy. Most are working and then they have a very active social life or commitments. They ask why we don't ask them to baby sit and then when we do they are busy. Many have gone through a divorce and are trying to reestablish their careers (or even start one) or their social life. There are also those grandparents that have put their whole life and soul into their kids. So much so that they have neglected their friends and any personal ambition or joy. So when they are done raisin their kids they are done.

There is not a doubt in my mind that they love the little buggers.... after all these are their babies babies. It has however started me thinking about when I am a grandparent. No I have not lost my mind (well maybe a little). I have just decided, along with some of my girlfriends, that we are going to be the grandparenty grandparents.

To accomplish this we need to take steps now. We need girlfriend time. We refuse to let our friendships disintegrate. We will put the time and effort into our marriages to make them a priority so these don't fall apart when the children go away to college. We will not abandon what makes us unique individual women. I love to dance. I have danced since I have been 2 and taught for seven years. I thought it was over for me when I got married and had children but why? Why should I give up something that I love and is good for me? I mean exercise is exercise :) Of course we will not neglect our children or their needs in anyway but we will not become martyrs either. Maybe by doing this and keeping a grasp of some sort of personal identity will make us better mothers. I am hoping that maybe, just maybe it will make me a grandparenty grandparent... no buns though. I don't do buns and can bet the farm that I will dye my hair. If I pass to be with the Lord with roots someone need to make sure they Ms Clairol me.


monica said...

I'll make sure your brows look good too!

Anonymous said...

Your so right about Grandparents today! I only wish my precious little ones lived close by so I could do all those things you mentioned. I was never close to my grandparents they lived in another state and when you have 21 first cousins - trust me no time for 1-1 time with Grandma. My kids were/are so close to my parents and I hate the idea that I will only be someone who visits a few times a year to see my little ones!!! I don't understand this new generation of Grandparents!!

Anonymous said...

I so agree! I could have written this post (well, except for the dancing part, lol!). My sister and I spent so much time with our grandmother as kids that most of my best childhood memories involve spending the night at her house, cooking together, etc. I was certain my mom (her daughter!) would be the same way and she's not. I know she loves the kids but she's always busy or doing things for my younger brother (from her second marriage). Sometimes I think that since there are only 7 1/2 years between my brother and my oldest child that she's never had a non-kid time in her life and doesn't want to take on all of the responsibilities of grandparenthood. Thanks for the post and letting me vent a little!

Anonymous said...

Let me introduce you to me, a very grandparenty grandparent!! I am the old fashioned kind. My husband and I are semi retired. We watch our grandson any time that our son and daughter in law asks us to, so they can go out or pick up an extra shift. We have him over to spend the night frequently and go and get him to take him places or just to mawmaw and pepaws house to play in the back yard, help with pulling weeds, playing with the dogs, doing crafts or whatever we can think of.
I would rather be with my grandson than do anything else!!
So there are still some of us around!!! :)

Anonymous said...

I agree with you about the grandparenty grandparents my children has grown up without any they are now 20, 18, 17, and 13 years old. My parents see them at birthdays and holidays. My husband’s parents see them once a year. We live about an hour from all of them so I don’t get it. My children have asked us to please be grandparenty grandparents when they have kids because they feel like they have missed out. They have heard my husband and I talk about ours. My grandparents did not do lots of things with us but we did visit weekly and spent the night every couple months. My grandmother did not cook, craft or anything she set in the kitchen and smoked and that was basically it but at least we spent time together. My husband and I have decided we want to be good grandparents someday. I can see all the stories, crafts, and playing in the park like we did with our children.